My words have been frozen since writing about John’s memorial service, which was four weeks ago today. I’ve been living in some alternative time stream, where my body and my thoughts move slowly and the simplest tasks take longer than seems possible to complete. Writing a blog post has been like poling an unwieldy craft upstream against the current – lots of effort with little ground gained. I end up no closer to shore than when I started.
Finally the ice is melting. After two weeks of travel and new sights, I am moving from the shock and disbelief that John is gone, to the after life, the life that will be lived despite being irreparably changed by loss.
The life that is mine to live includes writing. Tonight the writing is nothing special or profound. It is reclaiming the act of putting fingers to the keyboard, watching the words appear on the screen, because this is how I live. This is what I do.